Friday, December 9, 2011

111 days of Without-you

I just turned 22 today 
And I feel so grown up...
I miss your gift, 
I miss your blessings,
I miss your presence,
For this is my first birthday without you!!
I miss you, Thatha...!!!
Do you see me crying every night talking to you?
Do you see how I look around the house in search of you, missing you?
Did you see me see your photo and cry, this morning??
Did you see me smile when it rained, thinking it is you wishing me for my birthday?
Hundreds of people wished me today,
Made me smile and jump around,
I was all excited and happy,
But missed you so terribly!!
It's 111 days since you left the world.
111 days of grief and tears, it has been.
Always loved.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Your absence haunts...

Our new home is so big and lovely,
Sadly it’s kind of lonely;
The shrill silence fills my ears,
The grief in the heart well concealed,
Choosing to burst through tears every night,
And hide behind smiles almost all day,
The loss still unbearable...
I miss you, Thatha...
I don’t want to ask you why you left us...
Because I know you didn’t want leave us either...
Your absence is loud and conspicuous,
My mind narrowing down to the best moments with you...
Oh, Thatha...
How much you dreamed to live in this house!
And how you didn’t get to see it well!
And how you missed to live here with us
To have made memories for me to cherish!
I miss you every day, Thatha.
Will I ever believe the fact that you’re not coming back??
You’re still not so dead.
Living in the hearts of us all.
Forever we love you.

Monday, September 19, 2011

A rainy thought...

As the dark clouds besieges the mightier sky,
Like how the eyelid closes on a eye,
Giving darkness and just that;
The wind is blowing its best,
Turning the weather balmy;
As I walk through the lonely streets,
Looking up to see the gray clouds moving,
Enjoying the rain drops falling around,
A lot of thoughts chase my mind...
The clouds look so full of dark angst,
Yet it isn't raining much,
Just like my heart feeling heavier,
But knowing I haven’t grieved enough,
Knowing I want to cry more...
For someone who left the world...
And is never going to come back...
My steps slow down as I realize
Life is just like days,
Little sunny,
Little rainy,
Sometimes dull,
Sometimes windy,
Never the same forever...

I miss you, Thatha...

Thatha, when I think of you
And when I don't think of you,
I miss you..
When I laugh aloud,
When I smile at people,
I think of you
And I miss you..
When someone's sad,
I think of you
And I miss you..
I keep missing you all day...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Life goes on...

Oh, I know I just have everything I might need in life.
I do have people around me as always.
Yet there is some reluctant loneliness,
That I cannot shrug off so easily.
I laugh, I scream in delight; I run around, I talk so much;
Yet I know I want to be quiet and that’s really all I want.
And to shed some silent tears and let the grief out,
If it’s possible to entirely take it off my shoulder.
Oh Thatha, why did you leave us?
I still feel you around everyday...
Not just in dreams.
And I cannot say how much I miss you...
Thinking about you always...

Tears, tears, tears.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


Sometimes we are lost, between the day and night,
Sometimes we are torn, between the truths and lies,
Sometimes we are perturbed, between our heart and mind,
Sometimes we are dazed at the pace of things happening around us,
And we may feel we are floating through them slow,
When life is so,
Just have to convince yourself,
That ‘Life has to go on, no matter how it is!’

Monday, August 29, 2011

A lonely today...

The weather seems so low today...
So many clouds above, adorning the sky,
Yet so silent and still,
No winds to blow,
No sun to shine down,
No rain to wet the earth...
It’s not so cold yet it feels so...
I want to keep walking,
Soaking my skin in this pleasant weather,
Understanding myself better...
Why do I feel connected to this weather?
I think it’s similar to how I feel today...
My eyes are open,
A hundred people move about in front,
Yet I’m not seeing anything or anyone...
My ears are open,
I know people are talking to me,
Yet I’m not listening to anything...
My mind races to different places,
Yet I’m not thinking about anything...
Many drops of tears are waiting to be let out of my eyes,
I want to cry out loud, really loud...
Frustration surrounds me,
As I try harder not to cry...
Loneliness creeps inside me
And refuses to leave me...
I’m on my own,
Feeling so lonely,
Yet I want to stay away from people,
I want to laugh out loud, have fun and play around,
Yet I know I would only be pretending,
Faking myself into false laughter...
No, I cannot cheat myself that way anymore!
Sleepless nights and wandering thoughts stifle me,
As I can’t wait for life to get normal again...
Losing someone, forever, from the world,
While he gets closer to heart, than ever, 
Is so painful... so painful...
It’s so hard not to cry,
When that’s all I want to do...
It’s so painful to have no one
To share my thoughts and know how I feel...
I don't know what am I running away from...
Reality, perhaps?
That life has to go on?
I don't know...
The words seem so reluctant to be out...
And I can’t write more how I feel...

Monday, August 22, 2011

Thatha, We Love you...

Thatha, how are you...??
It was just last night when I was holding your hand,
When I was seeing into your blue eyes,
Telling you that you’ll be alright tomorrow...
I didn’t know that you didn’t have a tomorrow..!
I was patting you like a baby
Rubbing your stomach to relieve your pain...
And telling you to sleep and just pass through this night,
But I didn’t know you were going to sleep forever...
In just minutes after we left you to sleep,
You chose to leave this world?
And forever??
You didn’t know that you were parting us, did you?
Did it hurt you a lot when you breathed your last?
Hours flew by... we saw you cold...
It nearly killed us to see you so cold and still...
Did you know I was holding your hand and trying to wake you up?
Did you feel me rubbing your chest, Thatha?
Did you see me shaking uncontrollably besides you?
Oh, Thatha... We just cannot bear your sudden absence...
You always felt cold at the lightest of winds,
And today did it freeze you in the coffin?
And when they showered gallons of cold water on you?
Thatha, you are still in my eyes,
Pleading us to stay with you till you fall asleep...
We were with you, Thatha...
We were holding your hands...
We were with you, as you wanted...
We were all with you...
Seeing you cry in pain...
Did you know, it hurt us too?
To see you breathe hard...
To see you so weak and helpless...
Thatha, when we knew you were no more,
It shook us all so much...
Did you hear me talk to you for many hours after that?
You heard me, right?
Did you see me looking at your sad face and cry so hard?
I felt your presence outside the iced box...
You tugged at my dress three times this morning, didn’t you?
Were you trying to tell me something?
Were you sad seeing us all cry?
You always wanted a lot of people to visit you,
Today everyone who knew you came to see you,
To honour you and pay their respects,
And spill their sad tears for you,
But you were not able to see them, right?
Or did you see them from somewhere?
Where are you now, Thatha?
Can you see me now?
Are you reading this now?
My friends say you are now in a better place...
And they say it’s purer than this bestial world...
Is it so, Thatha?
There are no fake people around there, right?
To be with you just yesterday and see you now only in photo haunts me!
Thatha, we love you so much...
May be, more than ever...
When you were lying so helplessly still,
You looked so much like just sleeping, did you know?
I kept telling to myself that you were just ill
And you are going to wake up soon...
Was I so childish, Thatha?
Was I wrong when I kept waiting for some miracle to happen?
And see you get up saying you were okay?
It wouldn’t have been fair, right?
To ask you to wake up to be in more pain?
Thatha, did I say we love you so much?
It’s so hard for us now, Thatha...
To not have you around...
When everyone comes to speak good about you,
I feel so proud of always...
I still keep thinking you’re lying in your bed...
Shaking your toes slightly,
With your eyes closed gently...
How can days move without you, Thatha?
How can we get used to your absence at our home?
Every morning when I left to college
You woke up early to send me off, each day...
Each morning when I left our home,
You asked me if I have taken all things needed,
If I have taken an umbrella to shelter myself from the impending rain...
Each evening you would wait for me to call you,
You would ask if I had my food,
If I had started home
And you always asked me to reach home soon...
Sorry for those days when I forgot to call you, Thatha...
Last two months, you loved me more than ever, right?
I know you felt happy when I fed you,
Made you feel like a baby,
Talked to you for hours,
Listened to you for so long,
Tell stories about your army life...
Thatha, I still can’t believe
That you have left us forever...
The reality has not sunk in yet...
You are still with us, right?
You can hear me when I talk to you, right?
Thatha, did you see I’m wearing blue dress today?
Just for you, Thatha...
I know how much you love this colour...
And remember you told me, you like this dress of mine?
Can you see me now, Thatha?
If only Cancer was a human or animal
I would have killed it,
For eating you away slowly
And reducing you to mere bones
And for parting you away from us...
My tears don’t stop, Thatha...
It flows so incessantly...
So does my words to tell you how I feel...
My heart doesn’t agree with my mind that says you’re gone...
Thatha, I remember the days,
When you brought me back from school in your bicycle,
When you taught me to make dosas,
When you taught me to do gardening,
When you told me stories of “Lion King”,
When you saw me grow up,
When you used to sit out reading newspaper,
When you would wait for us to return from school or college,
When you would talk to me about different things under the sky,
When you fought cancer so bravely,
When you started feeling weak,
When you were cheerful even when you were in hospital
Chatting away with the nurses and doctors,
Oh, Thatha, how hard it was for us to see you deteriorate,
To see you cry in pain,
To see you talk out of normal,
To hold your soft and tender hands,
To hear your voice fade,
To be with you when you needed us the most,
And... To see you be taken away...!!!!
Thatha, you wanted to live in the new house with us, right?
Physically you might not be there,
But you ARE with us!
We were with you, giving you all love and care...
Now you are with us,
Still continuing to share your love and care,
That you always did...
Did you know that you were loved so much by all?
And that you had gained very true friends who are grieving now?
Oh, Thatha.. How much you always cared for us all...
The void is so obvious and loud.
Your voice is still echoing in my ears.
You are with us, now.
You are going to be with us, forever.
Guiding us throughout our life...
Thatha, we miss you so much...
These words are not enough to say what I feel...
But you are reading this now, right?
I’m not trusting what people say,
That you left us.
No, you are with us.
I can feel you, Thatha.
Through every blue object...
Through the air...
Through my tears (Why aren’t you wiping them, Thatha?)
The silence at our home is haunting.
I don’t want to see your photo with flowers, Thatha.
It scares me.
We are all grieving for you, Thatha.
We miss you like hell, Thatha!
It wouldn’t be wise to call you back, right?
May be some other family, somewhere, in some corner of the world
Needs you now more,
May be they need your love,
And maybe we were destined to lose you
To send you to them...
You are a great soul,
Living in our hearts today, tomorrow and till our souls perish...
You are a caring heart, blessed...
You will be happy wherever you are, Thatha...
You are still with us...
We love you so much, Thatha...
We love you....
And honestly, my poems have never been so true and meaningful!!!

Your Loving Granddaughter.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My little modern art at 17

When I was 17, I made this little piece of art.. Nothing big, though!'s supposed to be modern art ;)
The picture tries to depict that a woman faces several hurdles and is in the midst of them!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Going Back home...

An army man, after a triumphant war, GOING BACK HOME

Green and scenic,
Blue and serene,
Looking out of the train,
Letting the breeze ruffle my hair,
A million thoughts taking its place in my mind,
A smile runs across my lips...
Oh, how it feels,
To strive for years, win a war,
And go back home!
A wife who misses me every day,
Yet knows I’m safe, giving all I can for the country...
A kid who waits for her papa to play with her...
Missing them all along,
Uncertainty gripping all the while,
The sweat and blood that dripped every day at war,
The horrid of bloodsheds being the sight,
An emotional win at the end of the war...
It was all worth it...
This long journey home...
The longing to be with family growing bigger...
The teary smiles that are waiting to welcome makes me more eager...
Yes, I love this journey...
Happy hours that leads me to where I want to be...

Sunday, April 3, 2011


Sometimes, there is a need for social messages to be told in a rude hard-hitting way!!!

Here's one! A gross poem by me!!

It was an absolute joy ride...
The father and his young son...
The little boy just loved riding pillion with his doting dad...
He stretched his small arms wide and felt the air gushing,
Like he was flying in the sky...
The wind blew and moved a few locks of his hair,
Giving a peek of his innocent eyes...
And the big smile did portray his happiness...
He hugged his father so tight; and
Loved every minute of zipping through the streets...
The man was so happy seeing his son thrilled...
He flew like a lightning and watched his son giggle...
Jumping the colors of signals, watching others look upon,
Oh, how much they loved the ride!
Not for very long, though.
Before something could go wrong...
Soon, joys were killed...
Laughter was faded...
Voices were heard around...
The man saw his son bleed from his head and nose...
He saw the little eyes closing...
Lying in a pool of blood, himself,
He saw a million dreams shatter in a few seconds...
As his little son was losing his breath...
The joy, little giggles and flying so happily,
Seemed very long ago...
The future that he had dreamt for his son had ended...
And as the little hands stretched one last time,
Towards the helpless father, mouthing ‘daddy...’
Sadly, their lives ended...


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

You would love to get lost into these!!!!

If you want to read some books and you don't know what to read, here are names of some books that I've read and enjoyed!!!


Grew up with these books!!!!
Baby Sitter’s Club series-by Ann M.Martin
Nancy Drew series-by Carolyn Keene
Sweet Valley series-by Francine Pascal
Mary Kate & Ashley series-many authors
Harry Potter series-by J.K.Rowling

And I read these when I was a 16yr old!!!
18 books of Sidney Sheldon:
Tell me your dreams
Are you afraid of the dark?
The best laid plans
The doomsday conspiracy
If tomorrow comes
Master of the game
The other side of midnight
Memories of midnight
Morning, noon and night
The naked face
Nothing lasts forever
Rage of angels
The sands of time
The sky is falling
The stars shine down
A stranger in the mirror
Windmills of Gods

My serious novel-reads!!!
By Cecelia Ahern:
P.S.I love you
A place called here
By Jeffrey Archer:
Shall we tell the president?
Sons of fortune
As the crow flies
False impression
By John Grisham:
Playing for pizza
Skipping Christmas
The associate
By James Patterson:
Suzanne’s diary for Nicholas
Beach house
Sundays at Tiffany’s
By Danielle Steele:
Five days in Paris
Leap of faith
Sunset in St. Tropez
Granny Dan
A Good Woman
Lone eagle
Honour thyself
Family album
The house on Hope Street

Other novels that I enjoyed reading!!
Da vinci Code- by Dan Brown
The alchemist- by Paulo Coelho
Who moved my cheese? - by Dr. Spencer Johnson
Fountain of secrets- by Josie Litton
In a child’s name- by Peter Maas
Cocktails for three- by Madeleine Wickam
The makeover summer- by Suzanne Weyn
Local girls- by Alice Hoffman
Joy School- Elizabeth Berg
Wanted for murder- by Francine Pascal
The Manhattan Hunt Club- by John Saul
Wuthering Heights- by Emile Bronte
Five Point Someone- Chetan Bhagat
Two States- Chetan Bhagat
Japanese wife- Kunal Basu

A strong recommend for teenagers! (yes, I read it when I was 17)
The 7 habits of highly effective teenagers- by Sean Covey

Monday, February 21, 2011

Walking in the rain!!!!

People, this is a silly little poem that I wrote when I was 15 yrs old, on my way back from school, on a rainy day!! I know it's too juvenile, nevertheless I don't mind sharing with you all!

I saw the grey sky,
Where the sun had disappeared behind the clouds,
And rain had started to drizzle
In drops as gentle as snow.

It was late in the afternoon,
When I walked home from school, with
My backpack on my shoulders and my red umbrella in hand,
On which the rain drops sounded like pebbles.

I felt lonely and cold,
And I saw few people in their hoods,
And children coming out of their homes,
To enjoy this wet afternoon.

I walked, splattering water everywhere,
Like a little innocent child
Watching my white shoes turn brown
And adoring the ripples formed in water.

I almost screamed, hearing a thunder roll,
Only then I realised, I was not home,
To give out yells, just because
I’m terrified of thunders.

Oh! I didn’t realise that
I have walked for twenty-five minutes,
And reached home, to
Write this and share it with you...

Monday, February 14, 2011

If I were alive..

I don’t know when my life began,
I haven’t seen the world yet,
But I think it’ll be beautiful...
I look at myself grow,
Little by little every day,
Listening to my mom talk to me,
Every day and night, sleepless,
With her voice so gentle, and sing,
To make me sleep inside her...
I don’t know when I’m destined to see things,
Outside the dark and cosy place,
That keeps me warm and secured,
But I dream, so often, about the world
That I think would be as I see in my dreams.
I get happier, as I see myself grow bigger,
Eager to see my mother, and everything else,
And finally I am coming out.
With bright light hitting my tiny eyes,
With air gushing on my face,
Rushing into my nostrils,
I cried at that very moment.
I saw my mom’s face,
With tears rolling down her cheeks,
Yet she was so beautiful,
And as sweet as her voice,
That I have heard for the past many months.
I am being taken away by someone,
To be cleaned and put to sleep, I think.
After long, I feel something bad,
I think it is called pain.
I don’t know why I can’t open my eyes,
But I just hear my mother crying,
Loud and sad, it is,
Now I open my eyes, and
Try to reach her with my little hands,
For the first time ever,
Want to feel her, want to touch her and say,
‘Maa... don’t cry... I’m here’
That’s when I realise she is crying
Near my big stone, that doesn’t have any name on,
They have put me beneath the big grey stone, I think,
Many more such stones cover the place,
That must be filled with many memories,
Like mine...
Even before I knew what is life,
I think I know what death is...!!