Thatha, how are you...??
It was just last night when I was holding your hand,
When I was seeing into your blue eyes,
Telling you that you’ll be alright tomorrow...
I didn’t know that you didn’t have a tomorrow..!
I was patting you like a baby
Rubbing your stomach to relieve your pain...
And telling you to sleep and just pass through this night,
But I didn’t know you were going to sleep forever...
In just minutes after we left you to sleep,
You chose to leave this world?
And forever??
You didn’t know that you were parting us, did you?
Did it hurt you a lot when you breathed your last?
Hours flew by... we saw you cold...
It nearly killed us to see you so cold and still...
Did you know I was holding your hand and trying to wake you up?
Did you feel me rubbing your chest, Thatha?
Did you see me shaking uncontrollably besides you?
Oh, Thatha... We just cannot bear your sudden absence...
You always felt cold at the lightest of winds,
And today did it freeze you in the coffin?
And when they showered gallons of cold water on you?
Thatha, you are still in my eyes,
Pleading us to stay with you till you fall asleep...
We were with you, Thatha...
We were holding your hands...
We were with you, as you wanted...
We were all with you...
Seeing you cry in pain...
Did you know, it hurt us too?
To see you breathe hard...
To see you so weak and helpless...
Thatha, when we knew you were no more,
It shook us all so much...
Did you hear me talk to you for many hours after that?
You heard me, right?
Did you see me looking at your sad face and cry so hard?
I felt your presence outside the iced box...
You tugged at my dress three times this morning, didn’t you?
Were you trying to tell me something?
Were you sad seeing us all cry?
You always wanted a lot of people to visit you,
Today everyone who knew you came to see you,
To honour you and pay their respects,
And spill their sad tears for you,
But you were not able to see them, right?
Or did you see them from somewhere?
Where are you now, Thatha?
Can you see me now?
Are you reading this now?
My friends say you are now in a better place...
And they say it’s purer than this bestial world...
Is it so, Thatha?
There are no fake people around there, right?
To be with you just yesterday and see you now only in photo haunts me!
Thatha, we love you so much...
May be, more than ever...
When you were lying so helplessly still,
You looked so much like just sleeping, did you know?
I kept telling to myself that you were just ill
And you are going to wake up soon...
Was I so childish, Thatha?
Was I wrong when I kept waiting for some miracle to happen?
And see you get up saying you were okay?
It wouldn’t have been fair, right?
To ask you to wake up to be in more pain?
Thatha, did I say we love you so much?
It’s so hard for us now, Thatha...
To not have you around...
When everyone comes to speak good about you,
I feel so proud of you...as always...
I still keep thinking you’re lying in your bed...
Shaking your toes slightly,
With your eyes closed gently...
How can days move without you, Thatha?
How can we get used to your absence at our home?
Every morning when I left to college
You woke up early to send me off, each day...
Each morning when I left our home,
You asked me if I have taken all things needed,
If I have taken an umbrella to shelter myself from the impending rain...
Each evening you would wait for me to call you,
You would ask if I had my food,
If I had started home
And you always asked me to reach home soon...
Sorry for those days when I forgot to call you, Thatha...
Last two months, you loved me more than ever, right?
I know you felt happy when I fed you,
Made you feel like a baby,
Talked to you for hours,
Listened to you for so long,
Tell stories about your army life...
Thatha, I still can’t believe
That you have left us forever...
The reality has not sunk in yet...
You are still with us, right?
You can hear me when I talk to you, right?
Thatha, did you see I’m wearing blue dress today?
Just for you, Thatha...
I know how much you love this colour...
And remember you told me, you like this dress of mine?
Can you see me now, Thatha?
If only Cancer was a human or animal
I would have killed it,
For eating you away slowly
And reducing you to mere bones
And for parting you away from us...
My tears don’t stop, Thatha...
It flows so incessantly...
So does my words to tell you how I feel...
My heart doesn’t agree with my mind that says you’re gone...
Thatha, I remember the days,
When you brought me back from school in your bicycle,
When you taught me to make dosas,
When you taught me to do gardening,
When you told me stories of “Lion King”,
When you saw me grow up,
When you used to sit out reading newspaper,
When you would wait for us to return from school or college,
When you would talk to me about different things under the sky,
When you fought cancer so bravely,
When you started feeling weak,
When you were cheerful even when you were in hospital
Chatting away with the nurses and doctors,
Oh, Thatha, how hard it was for us to see you deteriorate,
To see you cry in pain,
To see you talk out of normal,
To hold your soft and tender hands,
To hear your voice fade,
To be with you when you needed us the most,
And... To see you be taken away...!!!!
Thatha, you wanted to live in the new house with us, right?
Physically you might not be there,
But you ARE with us!
We were with you, giving you all love and care...
Now you are with us,
Still continuing to share your love and care,
That you always did...
Did you know that you were loved so much by all?
And that you had gained very true friends who are grieving now?
Oh, Thatha.. How much you always cared for us all...
The void is so obvious and loud.
Your voice is still echoing in my ears.
You are with us, now.
You are going to be with us, forever.
Guiding us throughout our life...
Thatha, we miss you so much...
These words are not enough to say what I feel...
But you are reading this now, right?
I’m not trusting what people say,
That you left us.
No, you are with us.
I can feel you, Thatha.
Through every blue object...
Through the air...
Through my tears (Why aren’t you wiping them, Thatha?)
The silence at our home is haunting.
I don’t want to see your photo with flowers, Thatha.
It scares me.
We are all grieving for you, Thatha.
We miss you like hell, Thatha!
It wouldn’t be wise to call you back, right?
May be some other family, somewhere, in some corner of the world
Needs you now more,
May be they need your love,
And maybe we were destined to lose you
To send you to them...
You are a great soul,
Living in our hearts today, tomorrow and till our souls perish...
You are a caring heart, blessed...
You will be happy wherever you are, Thatha...
You are still with us...
We love you so much, Thatha...
We love you....
Always...
And honestly, my poems have never been so true and meaningful!!!
Tears,
Your Loving Granddaughter.
